我该如何选择？

11/12/2017

我最害怕的是离别。

17岁高中毕业那年，不知道后来的路是什么，中六还是college,朋友都去了不同的大学，很迷茫。

19岁那年，学院毕业，也不知道未来的路要怎么走，3年会计还是两年会计，还是出国？也很迷茫。

21岁那年，大学毕业，该读研究生还是找工作，哪一个才是最好的选择？一个人在国外，也很迷茫。

后来，我找到了工作，我漂泊了一年，这里走走，那里打打工的。不知道自己下一个目的在哪里。所有的衣服物品都在行李箱，我只带着我的小行李箱，来来去去那几件衣服，走打天下。

今年22岁，终于等了一年后，我刚开始工作一个月，很稳定，朝九晚五的，白天去上班，晚上做自己的事情，我很喜欢这样的安定。这时候却突然发现，原来如果一切顺利三年半后，我又面临去或留的抉择。去，要去哪？留，为什么？

我害怕喜欢我的人在那里等我，等了一个不想回去的我。我害怕遇到喜欢的人，却留不下来。我不知道自己的想要的是什么，也给不了承诺。

我很想去计划，可是我怕变化赶不上计划。我怕被打乱。这一切也许听起来很自私也很寂寞，但是我想像一阵风，不为谁停留。

一直更换不同的环境，更换新的人物，我有点累了。适应新的人，交新的朋友已经不再像小时候那样简单容易了。慢慢开始发现自己的改变与变化，我已不再像以前那样了。我想要那个毒舌直接的我，大声嚷嚷的我。文化上的冲突真的令我吃不消。我不想成为一个抱怨的人可是生活中就是那么多翻白眼的事情，我只能说，我会好好的。真的吗？

我当了翻译员!!!

Since my last post, I was treated badly by the lady boss.

I resigned the day after and they apologized sincerely, 

and of course I am good after that.

but I still left the place, came back to the same old place that I used to work.

THANKYOU for everyone who concerned,

especially those who sent me private msg.

I realized how many of you secretly stalk me. AHAH

*比个心♥*

-TWO MONTHS AFTER-

I was hesitating to post about this little story of my life anot.

Because everytime after i posted a blog about myself ,

I feel stupid and regret of posting. 

for example,

the last post, my boyfriend actually criticized me of why i want to post the whole incident.

no point for doing that.

and then, when I calmed myself down, 

I was thinking yea, why ? nobody interested on your life shits.

BUT !!!

I still wanna tell, for this time.

 I CAN NEVER IMAGINE MYSELF BEING A TRANSLATOR

LMAOOOOO

Hazel the translator.

我一定在做梦！！！

I was raised in a Mandarin speaking family.

My parents spoke to us in chinese since young,

my dad is working in china half of his life

我就是半个中国妹

when I was like 7/8/9/10/11/12/13/14 ? 

whatever age I remember.

I remember that we (my siblings) seldom talk to the cousins during CNY.

not all cousins, just a few (we big familly ok).

the young one almost my age also speak chinese la.ok.

Because they all talked in English (also main reason is, we have age gap)

and 

honestly from what I remember I know nothing about what they saying

我心里OS：

你们在讲什么？ 

他们在讲什么？

我不明白

But anyway, we are so much closer now. <3 p="">

I am not saying that my English is very best or have very good accent now.

I still the old SIBEH malaysian manglish me ok

but still, never imagine myself can be a translator for chinese to english (vice versa)

事情是这样的，

机缘巧合下（兜兜转转中间的细节就不说啦）

Long stories for how I know this co's director.

skippp~~

They invited this professor from China who cannot really speak very good in English.

So they need someone who can speak english and understand Chinese to

translate for a better communication.

then, I was the lucky one picked to be the ‘middleman'

his name is Professor Song宋, I was calling him for 孙教授 for the whole 4days.

此处应该要有掌声

So,we were stayed in the lab for 4 days for experiment.

感觉回到中学时代。哗啦啦 

发现原来石灰厂不只是出产水泥，还有很多东西

小仙女长知识了。

这就是教授所发明的轻质泡沫混凝土。

反正你们也是看不明白。

反正我是明白了

小仙女与教授的合照。

教授有很多爆笑的片段，

我还是不在网上说了，

以免遭到法律对付。 

I cried.

In less than 12hours to work again. FYI, I just finish from work and finish bath. It is 12.07am now. Decide to blog something and get sleep at 1am. I'm breaking apart , breaking down....
I cried for the first time ever since I came Ireland... not the first actually. Second time.
I'm not going to take it anymore. I'm currently working part time in Chinese restaurant in a small town in county Wexford. (I start contract with GT in November.)
Well, what I'm doing everyday is, I start at 3pm, I have to vacuum three floors of the shop, then clean all the mirror on the wall and wipe all the cutleries on the tables, lastly mop all the floors and toilets.
I'm doing all this my own, no helpers. EVERYDAY. Of course I understand that I'm working and this is part of my job, but second and third floor is their 'home', that's not under me. Please !
Everyday is too much. I'm working like a maid.
I asked the working time before I promise to work, she told me that we are working from 1pm to 11pm on a Sunday , but then just now she told me tomorrow I have to start at 12am to start hoover the place, do the cleaning, is this considered  as deceiving. idk.
I'm new to your place, can you not expect me to know everything of ur things ? Every shop has different rules and ways to work out, yaa...I worked as waitress before but it doesn't mean what I was doing is what you want me to do in ur restaurant. You should show me but not doing all on your own and blame me with your depressed face. Yah! And then when I do it in my way, you not liking it.zzz seriously ? I'm not worms in ur brain and know any shits u thinking. I wish I were!!! I am doing everything carefully, can you be more mercy when I really make some mistakes, not big one. Need praising not insults. Thanks !
As an accounting student, I use calculator. I admit that I am not good in mental arithmetic, don't criticise me being an accounting student.
Her attitude, her behaviour and her character is like my mom, she wants all things fast and perfect. but she has no love nor sympathy to me. My mom is strict to me like a mommy wants her daughter to be good. But she is like I pay you for working for me, no mercy. I guess this is what working life is ? U have to follow what employer says, like a cow ? LOL.
Honestly, you need more workers in you kitchen. Zzz.
I don't know should I leave or should I not...
I had so much thoughts during working but I have nothing to say now. SO MUCHHHHHH
Thahks to the driver who cheered me up , tomorrow is another new day right. Cheer up.
I'm so stressed, deceived, not being appreciated.
Or maybe I'm not used to it YET.

Dilemma.

25/05/2017.

Another 5 MONTHS  to start my work in Grant Thornton ! YES ! IS F-I-V-E FREAKING MONTHS !!!

I absolutely have no idea what I am going to do in this 5 months.

Too much to concern, too much to hustle about.

I was thinking to go back to my part-time life, save up some money which I really need, in the future. The rental in Dublin is INCREDIBLE ! expensive sial. *roll eyes* also, after talking to my friend, she told me after tax and blablabla, my salary left...less than what I thought. zzz sienzzz

well. the jobs are easy to get.. EASY PEASY especially when I have the experience.

The problem is, I registered myself into the ACCA september exam. LOL ? ello...u kidding me ah !

NO, IM NOT.zzz.. It was my mom's idea, which brainwashed me *roll eyes* I paid around 500euros for all chingching changchang fees. (imsorichzzz)

Should I go for my study or go for the money ?! THIS IS SO DILEMMA

Now I wish I have no boyfriend so that I can do anything I want. I can go on workaway for volunteers... I can go to a far place for parttime... SHIT.

I NEED MONEY.

7/1/2017  阴晴不定

这天气也许就像我心情有点阴晴不定，也许跟我大姨妈快来了有关系。
周遭的人事物已经开始在影响我了，我也察觉到了。
也努力在控制中~ 爆发起来也不知道该如何收拾。
重点来了，重点就是这些人事物，跟我tmd有关系吗？我干嘛因为这些情绪不稳定啊。

于是，今天一早醒来完全就是懒散状态不想去健身，可是整身感觉哪里怪怪的。
在健身房最后一个小时，还是跑着过去了。
一点回来时，很想放空，就在路旁的长凳上蹲了半小时，耳机放音乐，路人一定以为我是准备自杀的神经病。
但没办法，这是我的舒压方式。真心不想待在房间里。